Jess. Your essay structure is a bit all over the place and that is what holds you back.
Try and avoid saying what you are going to do in an essay just get on and do it. Your intro should identify what PoMo music is (the ability to remix, challenge sonority etc) is and how (if at all) it differs from a modernist approach to music (finding new ways to create music, rejecting past styles etc). At this point you can include Kirby Ferguson and his view that everything is remix (i.e. everything is interconnected). You then need to express your own view on what Pomo music is and whether it has a point.
You offer lots of examples in your essay but because you didn't begin by explaining your point of view they don't really feel connect to the question (for example Rihanna's umbrella sample, could we not criticise modern music for being to simple and lacking in artistic merit? This would then make all you later points on Eminem and Summer Camp's artistic merits and elitism make more sense)
Your third paragraph on Eminem is better as you make use of terminology but again you could have engaged slightly more with what Eminem was doing as Slim Shady and the controversy surrounding his character.
The essay ends somewhat abruptly too, always try and have a conclusion which sums up your opinion.
In terms of targets you have lots of clear examples and you know your texts, it's now a case of developing a clear opinion on PoMo in music (is it a good or bad thing) and then using the correct vocabulary to support your views.
Due to the abrupt ending of your essay this would only secure you an E grade as it stands.
Jess. Your essay structure is a bit all over the place and that is what holds you back.
ReplyDeleteTry and avoid saying what you are going to do in an essay just get on and do it. Your intro should identify what PoMo music is (the ability to remix, challenge sonority etc) is and how (if at all) it differs from a modernist approach to music (finding new ways to create music, rejecting past styles etc). At this point you can include Kirby Ferguson and his view that everything is remix (i.e. everything is interconnected). You then need to express your own view on what Pomo music is and whether it has a point.
You offer lots of examples in your essay but because you didn't begin by explaining your point of view they don't really feel connect to the question (for example Rihanna's umbrella sample, could we not criticise modern music for being to simple and lacking in artistic merit? This would then make all you later points on Eminem and Summer Camp's artistic merits and elitism make more sense)
Your third paragraph on Eminem is better as you make use of terminology but again you could have engaged slightly more with what Eminem was doing as Slim Shady and the controversy surrounding his character.
The essay ends somewhat abruptly too, always try and have a conclusion which sums up your opinion.
In terms of targets you have lots of clear examples and you know your texts, it's now a case of developing a clear opinion on PoMo in music (is it a good or bad thing) and then using the correct vocabulary to support your views.
Due to the abrupt ending of your essay this would only secure you an E grade as it stands.